As an Adoptee this quote really speaks to me. I’m not sure if I’ve learned to live with grief or if I’m just so used to living with it that I didn’t even realize it. Maybe I’ve just been avoiding it? I don’t know and it doesn’t really matter. What matters is the healing and rebuilding.
Fortunately, Kubler-Ross and Kessler say it’s okay and that I don’t need to worry if I don’t get over the loss of my birth mother. That’s actually comforting.
From the reading I’ve been doing the past few days, not only am I dealing with a lifetime of being adopted, but I’m also suffering from complicated grief. My heart has failed to heal.
That’s it exactly. Who knew?
My heart has failed to heal.
Over the years I’ve become quite acquainted with loss which has led me to read a lot about grief. We all know the stages of grief – Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance.
I can’t figure out what stage I’m in and really, it’s not important. My heart has failed to heal. Honestly, I believe that grief is different for adoptees.
For whatever reason, I never thought to grieve the loss of, not only my birth mother, but my entire family.
Years later, grief like a monster, has risen up and bit me in the ass. I’m tired of it and need to move on.
Complicated grief is, in it’s simplest term, is any type of grief that lasts longer than six months and causes you to not function properly anymore.
I guess my crying in restaurants while talking with a friend would qualify. Or driving down the freeway sobbing.
As the astronauts would say, “Houston we have a problem.”
When grief is complicated the heart doesn’t heal. I love this quote from a web page on complicated grief. I wish it was true for all of us.
It’s been well over fifty years and I’m discovering my heart is more broken than ever. I’m not alone, the majority of Adoptees are walking around with hearts that have never healed.
So it’s time for me to get going with the process of grief; it’ll provide me with some much needed growth.
What about you? Do you have any grieving to do? Maybe some growing?
I’m okay knowing I’m never going to be the same and really, why would I want to be.
Why would I want to be.
It’s time to grow.
Blessings to you!